little bratty princess

mister-fluffybear:

A class for caregiver | How To Be A Better Caregiver

[This means it’s not a read for you, little ones]

Lesson 3: Attachment

(This differs from attachment theory in traditional psychology, and the four types of attachment of that theory aren’t generally applicable to relationships between a caregiver and their little, but they can be)

Littles attach very quickly to things. It stems from their innate neediness (which is far from a bad thing). It drives their passion. If a person enjoys chocolate milk when they are little, they won’t find it alright, they will -love- it. If a little has a stuffie they enjoy, they won’t just like it, they will -love- it. This is important to take into account before you do anything. Pulling a little away from something they are attached to can be quite jarring to normal function. Taking away a sippy cup or a stuffie can be very hurtful to them, moreso than in ways you might intend. Additionally many littles tend to shut down and be very quiet when they feel like they’ve overly disappointed or upset you, which would be a common reaction to the removal of something so important. Remember that a little will look at things very simply, so any reaction you have will to them be the reflection of any action they have done. If you do something overly harsh then they will assume their actions were overly terrible. This reflective outlook causes your negative actions to amplify exponentially. Something not-so bad will continue to be not-so bad, but something pretty bad will be very bad, and something very bad will be astronomically unstable and hard to handle. In little space if you get extremely angry at them they won’t know how to react to your extreme anger nor the feelings they have about themselves, and it’ll just lead to them completely shutting down and stuck in a state of panicked misery. This is far worse than anyone could ask for, and it should be avoided at all costs.

Being little is commonly used as a coping mechanism, for what specifically doesn’t matter for this function by itself. What’s important to note is that if a little has extreme attachment to an item or mannerism and you rip that from them it can be especially harmful if they use their little space as an escape. If they are very attached to a stuffie for example, let them keep it in a timeout if they already had it with them while being sent. Do -not- go and compound a punishment by removing something they are attached to while they’re already in a lowered mood. This works in tandem with what was just stated, it’s an exponential state. Most caregivers who choose to have punishments for their littles do so typically as a way to combat behaviors that littles see as bratty despite the reality of the situation usually being something trivial or unimportant. These attached items help the little during the punishment come down from their punishment far more easily, or even to deal with it. It’s not uncommon to hear a little in a timeout corner whispering to their stuffie schemes of the next strike of their ‘evil’ campaign against you. Retention of the attached item allows for the physical punishment to take place with generally little mental strain (Which is what we want, since usually they didn’t do anything worthy of actually being gotten on to in the first place, such as swearing or being ‘annoying’ in ways that actually aren’t annoying and generally are adorable).

This was a bit punishment-centric, and some dynamics don’t have punishments at all (and many that do, shouldn’t). This attachment can be used for far more good than bad, in the sense that reunion with favored objects will result in generally desirable changes in mood. If a little is struggling mentally it can be extremely helpful to reunite them with items they have a larger attachment to, such as favorite stuffies, outfits, bottles, pacifiers, or whatever it may be. This will help bring them down to the base mood and be very calming, moreso than the average person (I believe this correlates with regression in general, where the actor is pulling back to a sample state in their earlier life for reasons of comfort). Bringing them or encouraging them to surround themselves with as many comforting things they love as possible will not only help them then, but will also increase this attachment and make these objects more significant in impact on mood deviation than previously experienced.

All of this is fairly minor compared to their most important attachment: You. This follows the same principles as previous stated but amplified significantly. A small sample questionnaire places caregivers at minimum “infinity times more” important that comfort objects. You as their caregiver are always needed. Now they aren’t stupid. They understand you have a life, but you have to inform them on what you’re doing and when you’re doing it and when you have to leave, however. This is very important. You don’t want to take yourself from them when they need you, unexpectedly.

Telling your little that you’re going to be busy/gone beforehand is absolutely essential to their well-being.

If you’re little is in their head-space and they know you’re going to be gone it’s significantly easier for them to handle (though it’s still likely to bring some grumps). If you leave without advance notice and they’re going through a tough time it will only amplify the issue. I know this from hearing from tons of littles who are crying and their caregiver is nowhere to be found and they don’t know when to expect them back. They depend on you. They require attention. A lot of it. This is where a lot of caregivers are confused: Attention doesn’t have to be active. Taking special consideration of your actions and how they will affect your little when you are not around is still giving them attention. If you put thought into your time away from them then they will still miss you, but they won’t feel like you’ve abandoned them. This is a key point that you need to always take into account when you’re going to be gone for any extended period of time, which for a little can be as short as three seconds.

Their attachment to you is a very powerful tool of yours. You can use it to fix their moods quickly, deal with problems, figure out solutions, and talk through conflicts by simply being there and working together. Keep in mind that part of your job description is to be their beacon of strength, of light, of whatever they may need.

Dynamics of a relationship always vary from one pair to another, and these should be taken into specific account before you make any decisions. For example: if you have a little who is too complaisant because they are so close to you then you can’t do problem solving in a standard ‘bouncing ideas off of the other’ because your ideas will sound good to start (to them). The best approach in this situation is prior to stating a possible solution (even if you have one in mind) you ask what they think the best option moving forward is, this way you can compare to your own and try and make a decision from there.

In the end the most important thing for you to take away is learning about your little as an individual and applying practices to amplify attachment to common participants (be it objects or actors) and to enhance experiences that stem from or are shared with these participants. Learn how to make them as happy as possible whenever possible. This is a part of your job in taking care of them. Balance this happiness with the other considerations to help them grow not only as a little, but as a person. Truly care for them.

tl;dr: Keep in mind how someone in the head-space of a little could tend to attach to certain objects and how the removal of such objects could affect their mood and behavior afterwards.